Why Tough Love Isn't the Answer

We often hear people stating that using a single correction, with expert timing, will not have any adverse lasting effects on a dog, but it is worth it, in the long run, to deal with worrying or troublesome behaviours. This is how abuse is justified by using 'tough love.'

'Tough love' is a phrase that has long circulated in both human and animal behaviour circles. It suggests that firmness, discipline, or even emotional withdrawal can produce better outcomes in the long run. However, when applied to dogs, this mindset can be misleading and harmful.

While those using this approach may believe they're helping dogs' learn their place' or 'build resilience,' behavioural science and animal welfare research paints a very different picture. Like all sentient beings, dogs learn best through relationships built on trust, predictability, and emotional safety, not control, suppression, or fear.

Tough love or Coercive control

Tough love can be likened to coercive control. There are many similarities.

 Such as:

·         Withholding affection or access to preferred resources

·         Ignoring signs of distress in an attempt to 'toughen up' the dog

·         Enforcing obedience through consequences or corrections

·         Using outdated ideas about dominance, pack theory, or 'leadership.'

·         Setting a hard and fast set of rules that must be obeyed without question.

·         Overriding the emotions of another person or dog

·         Preventing choice and free will

·         Forcing dogs to confront fears without appropriate emotional support (e.g., flooding)

While these techniques might produce short-term compliance, they rarely address the underlying causes of behaviour and carry significant welfare risks.

Behavioural suppression is not the same as learning. Dogs that appear 'calm' following punishment or harsh handling are often in a state of helplessness. In this well-documented phenomenon, animals stop attempting to avoid aversive experiences because they feel they have no control. This isn't training; it's trauma. In fact, many people state that after punishment, dogs look sorry and know that they have 'done wrong'. All this shows is a fundamental lack of understanding of both body language and dog behaviour. These dogs are exhibiting fear and desperately trying to avoid more punishment.

Why the term 'Tough love' is more about the human than the dog

 Of course, the term 'Tough Love' sounds like the rationale for using punishment is out of care for the dog, but we know that using phrases like this is simply a way of making the human feel better about their actions.

This is difficult to accept, and many people will continue to justify their actions to the point of trying to defend themselves, sometimes aggressively to anyone who disagrees.

Can you see the pattern?

If someone doesn't like the action or response of another, they will try to browbeat, control or punish anyone who disagrees. They will have to 'win' at all costs, no matter what it takes.

Conclusion

In dog behaviour, 'tough love' is a misleading term. It implies that harshness is necessary for growth when, in fact, science tells us that connection, not correction, is the real key to behavioural change.

Let's let go of outdated ideas rooted in control and dominance. Instead, let's champion methods that respect the dog's emotional world and foster relationships built on empathy, understanding, and choice.

Because love doesn't need to be tough to be effective, humane methods don't equal permissive approaches; ultimately, understanding dog behaviour is the single most effective method.